A late mother's day tribute and #AAPI story about an ambitious woman's dreams of going to school, supporting herself with an office job, and leaving her small town to see the world.
Last week my mother dropped me off at the airport. I feel incredibly fortunate to say that for many reasons. Firstly, my mother offered me a ride to the airport and for those that have traveled to and from LAX, understand this isn't a small task. Ubers have been hit or miss and I certainly didn’t want to kick off my first two week vacation to Europe missing my flight. But secondly and most importantly, I got to spend some time with my mama.
At the beginning of the pandemic, my parents moved to the Philippines to retire. They are visiting the U.S. through the summer, and staying with my oldest sister in Washington. Last week, my mother came to Los Angeles and this time around it felt a little more special than others.
My mother has always been so supportive of all of my endeavors growing up. She thought I could be a singer or a dancer, and put me through dancing and singing lessons throughout high school with big aspirations that I’d make it in the Philippines. While I never came close to being a famous singer or dancer, she was also supportive of my educational and career pursuits. She put me through college, and even dropped me off most days so that we’d save money on a parking pass. When I got my first job, she helped me move to LA proper and away from the suburbs. She helped me pack my things and pick out my first frying pan and rice cooker.
Through everything she always stopped to try and understand what it was that I was doing. Whether it was software, pathology, or more recently, genomics. She would spend the time to really understand all of the details, nuances, and complexities of the business models and science. She even spent some time reading a book I recommended, ‘The Human Genome’ so she could add more context to her understanding and have meaningful conversations about my career and what drives me.
The morning before I left for the airport, I asked my mother if she felt as supported as me growing up.
While she explained that my grandparents were supportive, the social climate made it difficult for them to help her pursue her ambitions. My mother grew up in the Philippines in a small provincial town with seven brothers and sisters.
She was only 13 years old when President Ferdinand Marcos placed the entirety of the Philippines under martial law for 14-years from 1972-1986. By the time she graduated high school, it was 1976 and the job opportunities were slim to none. She was the third child and first daughter of 8 children to my grandparents. Her two older brothers didn't bother with university, but this was something she really wanted.
She aspired to go to university to pursue accounting, get an office job, and to leave her small little town. She asked my grandfather if she could go, and he told her that she could not spare the money for it. With 10 mouths to feed, making only 7 pesos a day, and with the country under martial law making the job market almost impossible, the cost of university was simply out of the question. She was determined to find a way to make it to university one way or another. She ended up going to vocational school first, because it was free, and took bookkeeping and typing. This wasn’t enough. She wanted more.
By the time my mother finished vocational school, a speedy and talented typist and book keeper, my grandmother, whom I will refer to as Lola, had started a small and successful business, a neighborhood store 'tindahan'. At the tindahan, my lola and lolo would sell corn meal and rice. As a small business owner, this helped with the martial law income restrictions and my mother's family was doing a little better with finances. At the same time, my mother set her ambition to leave town, travel to a neighboring island, Cebu, to pursue college and would just figure out how to pay for it herself.
My lola would not allow this, she wanted my mother close to home. So my lola decided that she would secretly pay for my mother's tuition for university. In addition to the tuition, my lola would also give her money for the commute to and from school, which in visayat is called 'plete'. It was then my mother would sneak to university to pursue accounting. To keep from my lolo finding out, she would take the evening classes to keep her university career more discrete. Both my lola and my mother didn't want my lolo knowing that she was given money for tuition and plete.
Pictured above: My family and I riding on the back of a rice truck in the Philippines circa 1995
Even with the financial conditions slightly improved, my mother needed to be savvy with her money and with her taking the evening courses, this would be right around dinner which is when she would get pretty hungry. Around the school, was this delicious stand that sold noodles and soup - my mother would find ways to save her ‘plete’ by hitch hiking rides back from school on a huge logging truck. While dangerous, she managed to make it back home safe and sound, with a belly full of noodles, and her mind stimulated as she pursued an education in accounting.
Fast forward into her second year of college, one night on her way back home on the logging truck, she serendipitously ran into some hitch hikers along the road. One of those hitch hikers was her father - my lolo. He had been hauling around the corn meal for my lola's tindahan, but his truck had broken down and needed a way to get back into town as it was getting dark. She was scared of what my lolo might say or do, or even worse, force her to stop going to school. Instead, to my mother's surprise, he cried.
Seeing his daughter, hair tattered from being blown in the wind, dirt on her hands and legs from the lumber that she shared the truck with. Fully sobbing at the lengths and efforts she took to pursue what was so important to her. He was overwhelmed with pride for my mother. She is the 3rd of 8 children and the first to pursue a university education. He didn’t say anything about the tuition that my lola secretly paid. There was no turning back at this point.
It was now understood, his first daughter, my mama, was going to finish university.
Pictured above: My mama's graduation photo 1980
Finishing university was only the start. She proceeded to earn her Certified Public Accounting license in Cebu, where she would meet my father. She was able to get out of her town, meet her lifetime partner, somehow figure out long distance under martial law with no phones or internet, and successfully become exactly who she aspired to be and more.
Her earning her degree in accounting and CPA license opened the doors for her 4 younger brothers and sisters. They all went on to earn their degrees in engineering and accounting.
Pictured Left: My parents at the Frieze Art Fair in New York City 2018
Our conversation could have lasted for hours that morning she dropped me off at the airport but ended on emphasizing how proud she was of me and all that I was able to accomplish. That her goals and ambition fell short of mine.
I stopped, cried, and then explained to her that the ambition she carried - to get an education, against all odds - financially, politically, socioeconomically - breaking the rules and making moves. This is the level of ambition I take after. I can’t exactly express the amount of pride and inspiration that poured through my heart as we realized that I needed to leave for the airport soon - and how wrong she could have been in saying that her goals fell short of mine.
For many, my mother's ambition of wanting to work in an office, sounds a bit crazy. Here we are fighting for remote work life opportunities and for ways not to work in an office and over 35 years ago, my mom wanted exactly the opposite of that. She wanted so much to see the world, explore, and do so by providing for herself with her office job, her college degree, and her prestigious CPA license. Her ability to navigate her impressionable years in a time where things might not have made sense, meanwhile under economic ambiguity under a 14 year martial law governed country, and all doing so against her father's wishes with no additional money to be successful in the classroom.
Pictured above: My mama before a day at the office 1998
I can see the importance of my mother's level of ambition and perseverance in times where outcomes might be unknown. The pandemic has really pushed many of us into places that were uncomfortable. For many of us, we could all take a page out of my mother's book in that respect. It's this level of aspiration, in its most simplest form is what matters most.
If we all aspired to have something better for ourselves, who knows what we can do for others? What doors might open, what journeys we might take?
I am writing this as I wait to aboard my flight to Barcelona at the Palma de Mallorca Airport. Extremely grateful for the relationship I have with my mama and all the support she has given me throughout my life. I reflect on both the genetic and environmental influence she has given me and I feel so blessed. I wouldn’t be where I am today without this beautiful, brilliant, and ambitious woman in my life. I hope she drove away from the airport that morning understanding that.